On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
