turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
