alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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The uberlube is also flammable
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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