OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
