my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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