It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
