You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
