Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
