I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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