My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
