it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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