You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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