It's like God shit irony all over that family
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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