wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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