great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize