its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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