I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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