Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
