you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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