just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
