it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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