if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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