well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
