I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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