Screwed.edu
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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