Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
