even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
