I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
