We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
