Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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