i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
