i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
