Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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