Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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