i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
