Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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