I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
