Where is the hickey?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
