i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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