This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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