i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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