Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
