wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
