Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ugly people sure do ruin things
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
