Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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