weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
