Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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