Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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