WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Mom said you looked used
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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