Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
