im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
