Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
