cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did I show you my penis last night?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
