she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
