I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dick very happy bro
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
