i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
