We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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