Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize