just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
