I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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