Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
