If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
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You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you have feelings for this penis?