after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.