forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My hand turned me down
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.