I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial