If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
