i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
