i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
