It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
