i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
