Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
