I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
