Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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