I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
