I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
