It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
