My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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