I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
