Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He did a backflip because drugs
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