I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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