I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize