Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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