He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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