he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
And then he peed in my hair
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