mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
