Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
