Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.