Texts From Last Night

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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended

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  (330): ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended http://tfl.nu/6iyq
  Replies (4) Good night (1414) Bad night (530)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

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  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1261) Bad night (1957)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.

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  (917): OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE. http://tfl.nu/leeu
  Replies (23) Good night (656) Bad night (4114)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

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  (425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (5733) Bad night (1835)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.

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  (865): Now go wash the fat girl off your hands. http://tfl.nu/sym9
  Replies (17) Good night (1082) Bad night (4274)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses

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  (704): Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses http://tfl.nu/b9lj
  Replies (1) Good night (1426) Bad night (1156)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Lesbians are weird.

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  (208): She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk".... (615): Lesbians are weird. http://tfl.nu/wkyn
  Replies (4) Good night (1659) Bad night (606)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary

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  (502): to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary http://tfl.nu/qy10
  Replies (3) Good night (930) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..

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  (940): Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku.. http://tfl.nu/zv8o
  Replies (1) Good night (868) Bad night (245)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  Both.

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  (908): Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face? (1-908): Both. http://tfl.nu/3nxm
  Replies (3) Good night (804) Bad night (238)
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  (714): View more from California

  I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.

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  (714): I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks. http://tfl.nu/v5vh
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.

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  (773): It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11. http://tfl.nu/euda
  Replies (3) Good night (396) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps

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  (605): it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps http://tfl.nu/vib3
  Replies (6) Good night (656) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage

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  (774): Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage http://tfl.nu/jljf
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (218)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.

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  (336): We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette. http://tfl.nu/ba64
  Replies (7) Good night (273) Bad night (523)

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