Texts From Last Night

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  (951): View more from California

  Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down

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  (951): Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down http://tfl.nu/e7px
  Replies (16) Good night (646) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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  (720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9
  Replies (26) Good night (5077) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.

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  (610): He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab. http://tfl.nu/orgb
  Replies (51) Good night (6452) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.

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  (425): You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left. http://tfl.nu/zkuy
  Replies (20) Good night (1442) Bad night (5596) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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  (631): Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade! http://tfl.nu/mpw5
  Replies (30) Good night (644) Bad night (3600) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.

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  (469): Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels. http://tfl.nu/rynp
  Replies (10) Good night (5208) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help

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  (917): I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help http://tfl.nu/ynln
  Replies (26) Good night (5534) Bad night (1894) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.

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  (760): I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me. http://tfl.nu/uzp6
  Replies (20) Good night (685) Bad night (2066) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.

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  (541): I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar. http://tfl.nu/9erd
  Replies (4) Good night (1960) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

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  (312): I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks. (224): Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however. http://tfl.nu/lo15
  Replies (8) Good night (1957) Bad night (539)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.

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  (612): Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up. http://tfl.nu/k33q
  Replies (3) Good night (1590) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.

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  (313): Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This. http://tfl.nu/r466
  Replies (8) Good night (723) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES

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  (262): PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES http://tfl.nu/1xjy
  Replies (6) Good night (972) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.

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  (337): The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata. http://tfl.nu/y7xq
  Replies (2) Good night (1207) Bad night (212)
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  (415): View more from California

  Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.

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  (415): Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family. http://tfl.nu/k0wh
  Replies (1) Good night (911) Bad night (180) Order T-Shirt

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