Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
