Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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