I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY