Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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