No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just tell him i said nine months
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
this just has baby written all over it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men