our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.