Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.